Scott: I think it's a warning sign and I think it's easy for the fervent believer to think, "Well, no, I'm doing the right thing and you're doing the wrong thing." And of course, we all know how motivated our spouses are by putting judgment on them. I think it wouldn't be a bad card to play with that partner to say, "You know, this is a really important part of me, but I respect the fact that we're not in the same place about what we think we should do about it.
In this case, the particular dilemma for the woman that wrote in the e-mail, is she's the one that has the concern. So, she's gotta decide, what's the best way for her to try to make something move?Some people will get married and they're in a different place. Jean and I were in a very similar place and we still are. Dating wien studenten I have loved that aspect of our relationship, that we seem to be right in the same place in our relationship with the Lord at the same moment and I cherish it; I really do. It would be actually interesting to have a study that helps us put the numbers on it, but I do believe that the couples like yourselves, that you just described, I think they're the minority among Christian couples. And I think the larger group of Christian couples, so we're talkin', you know, two believers and with some seriousness about belief, don't find a lot of the things really easy to do that some other couples can do.So, if there's an action and a reaction here, it's going to come from her, right. And I think the best way to try to make something move with your partner is to find the smallest thing you can get them to agree to, that's consistent with the bigger thing you're trying to make happen. Scott: Because if you get somebody moving a little in a direction, they might start moving more and more that direction. You're trying to be the best spouse that you can be.Jim: Let me ask you this for the purist, who might say, well, it sounds a little like manipulation. And to help your spouse move in a better direction is a noble thing, isn't it?
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Help me to say this just right and maybe I'm not even right exactly in how You're thinking, Lord, about how You'd like us to work this out, so show me.But in marriage over many years together, there are a lot of attempts naturally to influence each other. Scott: --that's not only normal, it's why marriage is so powerful. You know, if you shared the exact same viewpoint and motivation on everything, one of you is not needed, right? there's a twosome thing and so, we are often thinking about the way to influence or nudge our mate in a positive direction and I don't see how that can be anything but good, unless we want to start arguing that we also shouldn't even be going that without children, which would be crazy.Not long ago we received an e-mail from a woman named Angie, saying, "My husband and I are both believers, but he's more passionate about his job and sports teams than he is about God.How can I get him to be more intentional about his faith?What would you say to her in terms of how to move different about this and then the other one, that they're just a believer and an unbeliever, is I think sometimes the person that's more motivated in that way actually needs to, at times, ask themselves if their involvement is so great that it's actually undermining the marriage, that they're not around their partner a lot of the time, 'cause they at the church or the meeting every time the door is open.
Jim: So, if your spouse is saying something like, "It seems like you're married to the church, not me," that would be a warning sign.
" And here at Focus on the Family, we're here to answer those kinds of questions, those things that you're struggling with in your marriage, in your parenting.
We want to be that friend to you and I think today's program is really gonna touch an area that many of us need to be reminded of and that's how to acknowledge God and draw closer to God as a married couple. Scott Stanley here to examine this and offer some guidance.
He's a professor at Denver University, where he's also co-director of their Center for Marriage and Family Studies.
And he's written a book, , which just recently has been revised and updated. I'm a football guy (Laughter) and I enjoy football, so Angie's question is kinda cutting close to my heart here when she says her husband seems to be more excited about her sports teams than he is about his faith. That's not an uncommon statement, particularly from wives, is it? So, here's a disconnect, where she feels it's really important to do something that he may actually also, if he had to write it down on paper, he'd say it's really important, but on any given Sunday, it sounds like it's time to watch sports.